Yes, just three days after Sam Evans was crowned the winner of Big Brother 14, tonight Emma Willis welcomed a brand new raft of famous faces (although I of course use the term very loosely) into Britain’s most famous bungalow – apart from that belonging to Dick & Dom, naturally.
So, who are the celebs who are facing three weeks under the careful watch of the Orwellian figure? Who is hoping to follow in the footsteps of January’s victor, Bit on the Side host, Rylan Clark? Well we have…
Louie Spence 
Yes, first to enter the house was that huge, flexible camp-fest that is Pineapple Dance Studios’ runaway star, Louie Spence. Louie claimed that if people annoy him, he will get personal – and I can well believe it. I wonder how long it will take for him to drop the showbiz demeanour and row with his fellow housemates. Because I’m sure there’s an awful lot of feistiness under that camp shell.
Lauren Harries
Ever since she ended her interview on This Morning some years ago by lifting up her skirt and doing an impression of Anne from Little Britain, I have slightly disliked Lauren Harries. Don’t get me wrong, I admire her campaigning for transgender equality (as she shot to fame as James Harries, aged 10, on Wogan) but she does incense me somewhat. And as for bringing ‘sex appeal’ to the house, I don’t think so: especially as the first person she met in there was Louie Spence.
Sophie Anderton
Who?
Models don’t tend to do particularly well in Celebrity Big Brother, do they? Lest we forget last year’s feud between Jasmine Lennard and Danica Thrall, which somehow ended with them both being disliked? The truth of the matter is that, rightly or wrongly, CBB audiences rarely give anyone from a modelling background a chance. And her wild days and cocaine use may not work in her favour. But then Denise Welch didn’t do too badly in 2012, did she?
I have no idea who she is (believe it or not, I don’t take much notice of lingerie campaigns…) so I’m looking forward to watching her during her time in the house – however long or short it may be – and discovering more about her.
Bruce Jones
Oh I really like Bruce Jones. He’s battled his demons and shown that you can overcome them. I’m sure a lot of people will be against him – having been sucked in by the tabloids’ stories – but I’ll be championing him. If people are indeed against him, I hope that that changes and I wish him well in the house. It will also be an advantage to him that he has his former Corrie wife in the house
– despite being separate housemates, they’ll at least have each other to rely on for support.
Let’s just hope that, with Louie in the house, Bruce isn’t as homophobic as his Corrie character, Les!
Vicky Entwistle
Again, I’m a fan of Vicky Entwistle. What shows like this and I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here! give soap stars in particular a chance to do is tell their own stories – show that there’s a real person behind the tabloid headlines and on-screen life. People at the moment will either think of her as gobby – having played Janice Battersby in Coronation Street for thirteen years – or…actually they’ll probably just think of her as gobby. Hopefully she will shine in the house, however, and we will see Vicky herself come out.
Courtney Stodden
I should make it clear that I very rarely have any idea who models or American stars are in Celebrity Big Brother. Therefore, just as with Sophie Anderton, I haven’t got much of a clue who Courtney Stodden is.
All I know is that she is best known for her marriage to Doug Hutchinson, who, being aged 51 at the time of their marriage, was 35 years her senior, so she either wants or needs to change the public’s perception of her. However, having purported to be an attention-craver in her VT, she really will have to work hard to alter opinions.
Abz Love
My God! Abz is the one member of 5ive who, when appearing on The Big Reunion, really, really annoyed me. He just seemed so rude, boisterous and…oh I don’t know. I just don’t subscribe to that whole ‘bad boy’ image being entertaining. It seemed that the rest of 5ive had grown up – but he hadn’t.
I’ve no doubt he’ll be popular with the ladies, though, and, as with So Solid Crew’s MC Romeo last year, he could make it to the final few days. And he might make me change my mind on him. It’ll take quite a bit, though.
Danielle Marr
‘I took part in a programme called Dublin Wives. Literally everyone was talking about it and we were the talk of the town.’ Er, I don’t think you were: I’ve never heard of you. Come to think of it, I’ve never heard of Dublin Wives.
Yes, surprise, surprise I’ve never heard of her. She seems an amicable person, though. Deluded, maybe, but amicable nevertheless. And Sophie seems to like her, which is a good sign. It’s also perhaps a good sign that she runs a Botox clinic. I mean, it helped Leah Totton win The Apprentice, so why not Danielle Marr win Celebrity Big Brother?
Dustin Diamond
What?! Another person who it would be generous to call Z-list? What’s
going on, Channel 5?
Anyway, Dustin Diamond appeared as Samuel “Screech” Powers in 90s sitcom, Saved by the Bell. Oh and, in an attempt to make millions, created a sex tape. And made $300,000. And he used a body double.
“Unroll the red carpet, Emma: he’s not deserving of it!”
Dustin is going to have a lot of work to do in the house to not only stand out from the crowd but be liked – because at the minute I think a lot of people, like myself, will be simply not feel anything either way towards him.
Charlotte Letitia Crosby
‘I have sex, I piss meself, I shit meself, you name it, I’ve probably done
it.’ Classy, pet. Classy.
Yes, this is Charlotte Crosby – off of Geordie Shore. I hate Geordie Shore. I’m from the north-east, tried to watch ten minutes of it and simply couldn’t bear the embarrassment. I’m not looking forward to seeing her in the house at all. Watching the daily antics of someone who broke wind on someone’s face and then urinated on them because they were preventing them from having sex – and thinking this is ‘something we can all relate to’ – is not my idea of entertainment.
She makes Denise Welch look like Mother Teresa.
Mario Falcone
The Only Way is Essex bad boy, Mario Falcone didn’t reveal an awful lot about himself in his VT. All we know is that he’s a bit of a bad lad, he likes his hair tidy and he’s open to the idea of romance in the house.
TOWIE is another show which I don’t watch – although I don’t despise it anywhere near as much as Geordie Shore – so I don’t really know who Mario is. I’ve heard his name bandied about a bit but I’m not entirely sure what sort of person he is. He might turn out to be a villainous game player but then he looks set to be this series’ eye candy. So every cloud…
Carol McGiffin
I love Loose Women and I love Carol McGiffin. She’s outspoken, she’s
loud-mouthed, she’s opinionated but she’s also smart and will listen to other people’s views. She just won’t consider them very often.
I can’t wait to see what Carol gets up to in the house. I’m sure she’ll clash with a lot of her fellow housemates (it seems that she has already made something of an enemy in Charlotte) but, if she stays true to herself, the strong Loose Women fan base will see her through. She says she doesn’t think she can win but I believe that she can: Denise Welch angered lots of people in the 2012 series but still emerged victorious. Former Loose Woman, Coleen Nolan came second in last summer’s season, too. So she has a very good chance of going far. If she doesn’t do anything too drastic, that is…
Ron Atkinson
Former football manager and sports pundit, Ron Atkinson was the final
famous face to enter the house.
As with Neil ‘Razor’ Ruddock from the January series this year, I disliked Ron before his name was even linked with Celebrity Big Brother. I just didn’t like him. Having said that, I did grow to love Razor and my opinion on him was completely changed as a result of him appearing on the show. Will that happen with ‘Big Ron’? We’ll have to wait and see. It’s not his stubbornness and fondness for ‘the finer things in life’ that I don’t like: it’s his previous, public use of the ‘N’ word which, when accidentally overheard using it to label Chelsea player, Marcel Desailly in 2004, led to him being branded a racist and his entire career being brought to a halt. His racist remarks didn’t get a mention in his CBB VT, though. Strange that, isn’t it?
Whether I can warm to someone who uses such vile, outdated slurs – be it in public or not – I have no idea – but I seriously doubt it.
So, with the cast of summer 2013 revealed, only one question remains: what is this mystery twist? Hmm…could it have anything to do with Louie, Lauren and Sophie being locked away in the Cult of Celebrity, watching the every move of the house’s occupants – unbeknownst to their fellow contestants?
Tune into Celebrity Big Brother: The Big Twist – Live at 9:00pm tomorrow night on Channel 5.
Images ©Five
Celebrity Big Brother is on Channel 5, daily
What did you think of the Celebrity Big Brother line-up? Please comment below or tweet me – @UKTVReviewer.
You can also see what’s coming up on TV in the coming week on this blog, published every Saturday at midnight.
uktvreviewer 