Category Archives: ‘Splash!’

This Week in TV – 1st – 7th February

Greetings! And following on from a week that saw bleeding eyes in Splash!, crashes aplenty on Channel 4’s The Jump and Jim Davidson re-enter the nation’s good books, here’s what we have to look forward to over the next seven days.

Saturday 1st February

Splash!

ITV, 6:50pm'Splash!' - ITV, 6:50pm

Vernon Kay and Gabby Logan join coach Tom Daley for the first semi-final of celebrity diving  competition, Splash!.

Taking part tonight are: Diversity’s Perri Kiely; model, Danielle Lloyd; Boyzone star, Keith Duffy; and presenter, Michaela Strachan. I’ve just watched each of their first dives on YouTube (as I can’t be bothered to watch the programme in full – or at all for that matter) and it seems that Perri is the stand-out diver, although I was quite impressed by Danielle and Keith.

However, who the public and judges pick to go through to the final is another matter.

Also today: Liam Neeson, Peter Andre and Goldie Hawn are on The Jonathan Ross Show, with Pixie Lott providing the music (ITV, 9:35pm).

Sunday 2nd February

A Tribute to Roger Lloyd-Pack

BBC1, 10:25pm'A Tribute to Roger Lloyd-Pack' - BBC1, 10:25pm

Tonight, the BBC shows a half-hearted tribute to Roger Lloyd-Pack.

Now, I’m saying ‘a half-hearted tribute’ because it’s a ten minute programme, featuring interviews  with his friends and colleagues, followed by a repeat of the first episode of Only Fools and Horses – in which he appears for all of 3 minutes 11 seconds (yes, I timed it. No one can say I don’t put effort into this blog.)

To think, the show’s writer, John Sullivan, got a full thirty minutes when he passed away in 2011.

It just seems such a waste. For a man who has left such a mark on British comedy, and the news of whose death caused such an outpour of adoration from the nation, I can’t help feeling that the BBC could have done more to celebrate his fantastic achievements – both on- and off-screen. Surely they could have extended the tribute programme for a start; ten minutes will surely not be enough to shed light on his TV, film and stage roles, as well as his tireless charitable and political campaigns. Then, to follow that, why not show an episode of Only Fools in which he is more prominent – ‘Ashes to Ashes’ or ‘The Jolly Boys Outing’, perhaps? Or show an episode of The Vicar of Dibley? Or even – as a last resort – The Old Guys? Or all three!

I just think that Roger Lloyd-Pack deserves more than this short ‘tribute’.

Also today: Dancing on Ice, sans Zaraah Abrahams (ITV, 6:15 & 8:30pm); Janine Duvitski and Scott Mills’s families go head-to-head on All Star Family Fortunes (ITV, 7:45pm); Top Gear returns (BBC2, 8:00pm); and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall presents new documentary series Scandimania (Channel 4, 8:00pm).

Monday 3rd February

The Big Benefits Row: Live

Channel 5, 9:00pm

Channel 5 cash-in on the success (for want of a better word) of Benefits Street with this: a live debate surrounding the topic of the country’s welfare system, and whether it needs to be revised.

Kelvin McKenzie, Katie Hopkins and Edwina Currie will be joined by a live studio audience to debate how easy it is to cheat the system, whether immigrants should be able to claim benefits, and are the sums available just out of control?

It’ll likely be controversial and cause a storm on Twitter – so Katie Hopkins will love it.

Also today: A Horizon special (BBC2, 9:00pm); DCI Banks is back (ITV, 9:00pm); and BBC3’s Growing Up Down’s, also at 9:00pm.

Tuesday 4th February

Births, Deaths and Marriages

ITV, 9:00pm

This two-part fly-on-the-wall series, following the highs and lows of life at Westminster register office,  begins tonight.

The office, which holds the birth and marriage records for big names including Winston Churchill,'Births, Deaths and Marriages' - ITV, 9:00pm Joan Collins, Paul McCartney and Margaret Thatcher, sees the registration of thousands of marriages a year, and this series takes a look at just some of them.

In the first episode, we meet Head Registrar, Alison Cathcart, who registered Prince George’s birth last summer, as she prepares to marry a couple who have no witnesses for their union so – yep, you guessed it – have to ask two willing volunteers from the street to stand in on the ceremony. However, it’s not all joy: married couple Tony and Rebekah arrive at the office to register the birth of their daughter Joanna, who was born with congenital heart disease. Sadly, we also see them register Joanna’s death just two weeks later.

To say that this is going to be a rollercoaster of emotion is an understatement!

Also today: Kevin Bridges, Rachel Riley and more take to the hot seat for (what is said to be the last-ever) Who Wants to be a Millionaire? (ITV, 8:00pm); She’s 78, He’s 39: Age Gap Love (Channel 5, 9:00pm) meets couples whose ages haven’t stopped them loving each other; and Christine Lagarde presents The Richard Dimbleby Lecture (BBC1, 10:35pm).

Wednesday 5th February

Inside No. 9

BBC2, 10:00pm'Inside No. 9' - BBC2, 10:00pm

Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton’s eagerly-awaited dark comedy Inside No. 9 begins  tonight.

Each of the six episodes in this series will focus on a different street, going behind the door of a different number 9, revealing the strange and dark goings on inside the building. In the first episode for example, a couple’s engagement party leads to a game of ‘sardines’ and some quite odd revelations.

Everything points to Inside No. 9 being a hit – not only because it’s from the pen of Reece Shearsmith and Steve Pemberton but also because it features an array of guest stars (Tamsin Greig, Anne Reid, Katherine Parkinson and Gemma Arterton to name just a couple) and has been recommissioned for a second series by the BBC, before the first episode has even aired.

Also today: Documentaries Royal Cousins at War (BBC2, 8:00pm), Touring Car Legends (ITV4, 8:00pm), Extreme Beauty Queens: Secrets of South America (BBC3, 9:00pm) and Sherlock: The First CSI (Channel 5, 10:00pm).

Thursday 6th February

The Big Reunion

ITV2, 9:00pm

Following the unexpected, monster hit that was the first series of The Big Reunion last year, ITV2 have of course brought it back once again for 2014 – only this time with a somewhat less inspiring  line-up.'The Big Reunion' - ITV2, 9:00pm

A1, Eternal (except Louise), Damage, 3T and Girl Thing are all reforming. Er, I’m sorry: who? Fair enough, A1 and Eternal I have heard of but the rest? Is that the bottom of a barrel I hear being scraped? I can only assume the producers could get in contact with neither The Fast Food Rockers nor Scooch…

There is some good news, though: a ‘supergroup’ has also been formed of musicians who enjoyed a brief stint in the charts – so less The Big Reunion, more The Big Union. 5th Story, as they are called, comprises of Kenzie (of Blazin’ Squad fame), Adam Rickitt (the Nick Tilsley before the current one in Corrie), Gareth Gates and Dane Bowers (off of Katie Price’s hit list) and Kavana (your guess is as good as mine, quite frankly).

I’m sure that, as with last year, the most enjoyable parts will be seeing the performers being interviewed about the bitch fights and bust-ups that caused the group to split in the first place, as well as them reunite and discuss their differences amicable. Yeah, right!

Also today: Documentaries Pound Shop Wars (BBC1) and Help! I’m Snowtrapped (Channel 5) at 8:00pm; the sixth series of Inspector George Gently begins (BBC1, 8:30pm); Big Ballet sees plus-size dancers prepare for a performance of Swan Lake (Channel 4, 9:00pm); The Hotel Inspector is back (Channel 5, 9:00pm); Brain Hospital: Saving Lives begins (Channel 5, 10:00pm); and new Chris Lilley series, Ja’mie: Private School Girl is on BBC3 at 10:00pm.

Friday 7th February

Winter Olympics

BBC2, 3:30pm

For the next three paragraphs I shall attempt to sound knowledgeable about sport. Do bear with me.

Clare Balding presents coverage of the Sochi Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony – and may I  just say how kind it is of Vladimir Putin to allow someone of her orientation into the city. He must be feeling particularly level-headed and'Alan Davies: Après Ski' - BBC2, 10:00pm intelligent at the moment, eh?

Then later, at 9:00pm, Torvill & Dean: The Perfect Day will tell the story of the duo’s famous Bolero routine, which helped them win gold in Sarajevo thirty years ago. Incidentally, on 13th February, they will return to the country, and the very same stadium, to perform the routine once again.

Straight after Torvill & Dean: The Perfect Day, new series Alan Davies: Après Ski begins at 10:00pm, which, each Friday, will see the comedian and guests take an irreverent look back at the action from the Olympics. Is it just me, or do you think someone at the BBC has been watching The Last Leg on Channel 4?

Did I get away with not sounding too knowledgeable but also not too clueless? I hope so.

Also today: Lee Mack, Ruby Wax and Dave Myers comprise the panel for this week’s Room 101 (BBC1, 8:30pm); Piers Morgan interviews Tony Blackburn (ITV, 9:00pm); Peter Kay: Live & Back on Nights (which was originally released on DVD in order to trick fans into buying it, thinking that they were getting new material but in fact it was just a behind-the-scenes documentary which everyone, including Peter himself, knew would be on Channel 4 within a year or so anyway) is at 9:00pm; Alex Brooker is welcomed back to the aforementioned The Last Leg after finishing his presenting duties on The Jump (Channel 4, 10:00pm); Lee Mack’s new panel show, Duck Quacks Don’t Echo (Sky1, 10:00pm); and Gary Oldman and Nick Frost are on The Graham Norton Show (BBC1, 10:35pm).

Are you particularly looking forward to any of these shows or is there something else from the world of TV which you want to have your say about? Feel free to comment below or tweet me –@UKTVReviewer.

Image credits: Splash! – Thanks to Tony Ward, ©ITV/Twofour; A Tribute to Roger Lloyd-Pack – ©BBC; Births, Deaths and Marriages – Thanks to ITV, ©Wall to Wall; Inside No. 9 – Thanks to Richard Ansett, ©BBC; The Big Reunion – ©ITV; Alan Davies: Après Ski – Thanks to BBC and So Television, ©Tony Briggs.

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This Week in TV – 18th – 24th January

Yes, it’s time to look forward to the next seven days in TV and, following on from a week that brought us the deaths of DI Poole, comedy legend Roger Lloyd-Pack and the innocence of Frank Carson’s dressing room, here’s what we have to look forward to.

Saturday 18th January

Splash!

ITV, 7:00pm

Reflex, Splash!, The Voice, Take Me Out? With these below-par Saturday night entertainment shows, Ambassador, you are spoiling us.'Splash!' - ITV, 7:00pm

Splash! belly-flops into its third week this week and it appears that the bottom of the barrel is well  and truly being scraped, as the biggest name to be taking to the diving board tonight is musician Paul Young. Wherever he lays his swimming cap, that’s his home.

Just so you know, I hate me for writing that, too.

Joining Paul and hoping to avoid the Splash-Off are: TOWIE star, Dan Osborne; north-eastern comedian, Patrick Monahan; model Danielle Lloyd; and MP Penny Mordaunt, who has caused a bit of a splash by taking part.

Apologies, but that pun was too good to miss. And it was better than the Paul Young one at least.

Also today: Animated favourite Despicable Me (ITV, 5:10pm); the aforementioned The Voice UK (BBC1, 7:00pm); and Goldie Hawn, Russell Brand, Dermot O’Leary and James Blunt chat to Jonathan Ross (ITV, 9:45pm).

Sunday 19th January

The Musketeers

BBC1, 9:00pm

This ten-part period drama, inspired by Alexandre Dumas’s The Three Musketeers, begins tonight.

Set in 17th-century Paris, The Musketeers follows Louis XIII’s personal bodyguards, Athos, Aramis'The Musketeers' - BBC1, 9:00pm and Porthos, who stand for social justice at a time when law and order is an unrealised concept. In this week’s opening episode, the Musketeers must try to rebuild the King’s reputation as well as strive to seek justice for themselves.

The series should also be noted for its stellar cast and crew. As well as being written by Adrian Hodges (the man behind Primeval and the multi-award-winning My Week With Marilyn), The Musketeers stars Tom Burke (The Hour), Santiago Cabrera (Merlin) and Howard Charles (Switch) in the eponymous roles, alongside Peter Capaldi (The Thick of It), Luke Pasqualino (Skins) and Hugo Speer (Father Brown).

Also today: Fake of Fortune? returns (BBC1, 6:00pm); all of the remaining celebs go head-to-head for the first time on Dancing on Ice (ITV, 6:15pm); gay men of Britain, listen up as Birds of a Feather’s Lesley Joseph and comedian Stephen K Amos compete on All Star Family Fortunes (ITV, 7:45pm); period dramas Call the Midwife (BBC1, 8:00pm) and Mr Selfridge (ITV, 9:00pm) are back; and one-off documentary Don’t Look Down (Channel 4, 9:00pm) explores the new craze of urban free-climbing.

Monday 20th January

Russia on Four Wheels 

BBC2, 9:00pm

In this two-part documentary, the conclusion of which is on Wednesday, Anita Rani and Justin Rowlatt take a three week-long trip across Russia in the hope of finding out how far the country has come in the 25 years since the fall of the Berlin Wall.'Russia on Four Wheels' - BBC2, 9:00pm

Both presenters begin their journeys in the home of this year’s Winter Olympics, Sochi, but then head in different directions as they explore contrasting areas of Russia. Anita will be heading north and west from Sochi, in order to discover ‘new’ Russia, which sees booming business and enthusiastic entrepreneurs. Justin, meanwhile, will be going east into ‘old’ Russia, where he visits factories and farms, finding that some areas have not changed since before the Cold War years.

To make things even more interesting, Anita and Justin are journeying in very different vehicles, with the former in a luxury armoured plated tank and the latter in a battered 1940s jeep. Watch tonight and on Wednesday to see how they get on.

Also today: The Alan Titchmarsh Show enters its 14th series (ITV, 3:00pm), with Mark Benton and Paul Hollywood being the first guests; Tom Dyckhoff (stop sniggering, please) presents The Great Interior Design Challenge (BBC2, 7:00pm); we bid a tearful farewell to Hayley in Coronation Street (ITV, 7:30 & 8:30pm); Food Unwrapped (Channel 4) and Winterwatch (BBC2) return at 8:30pm; much-trailed US sitcom Mom comes to ITV2 (9:00pm); and sci-fi thriller Helix begins (Channel 5, 10:00pm).

Tuesday 21st January

The Naked Rambler 

BBC1, 10:35pm

This one-off documentary focuses on the ever-controversial Stephen Gough, who is notorious for rambling around Scotland wearing only boots and a rucksack – something which sadly landed him in prison for seven years. He spent most of that time naked in solitary confinement.'The Naked Rambler' - BBC1, 10:35pm

Throughout the programme, we follow Stephen as he attempts a four month-long trek home to his family in Hampshire. His journey takes this long owing to the copious amounts of arrests, court appearances and prison stays that he has to deal with along the way.

We also gain an insight into Stephen’s motives for rambling naked, his family’s views and those of the public. The main question that I have is why does he insist on doing it, with his actions having landed him in prison numerous times, and therefore unable to see his teenage sons grow up? I guess that that question and many more will be answered during the programme.

Also today: Documentaries The Search for Alfred the Great (BBC2), Growing Up Down’s (BBC3) and Ross Kemp: Extreme World (Sky1), all at 9:00pm; and Claudia Winkleman is back with Film 2014 (BBC1, 10:35pm).

Wednesday 22nd January

The National Television Awards

ITV, 7:30pm'The National Television Awards' - ITV, 7:30pm

It’s that time of the year again when the cream of the crop of British television are awarded for their  efforts.

As per the last few years, Dermot O’Leary will oversee proceedings and tonight X Factor winner Sam Bailey will open the show. Voting closes at midday today (22nd January), so if you’re reading this before then and haven’t yet registered your vote, do so now here. Make it count, though: you only get one go.

Here are the nominees (with my choices in red) for each category:

Best Talent Show

The Voice UK

Dancing on Ice

The X Factor

Britain’s Got Talent

Strictly Come Dancing

Best Serial Drama

Coronation Street

Emmerdale

EastEnders

Hollyoaks

Best Comedy

Miranda

Mrs Brown’s Boys

Derek

The Big Bang Theory

Best Drama

Broadchurch

Downton Abbey

Call the Midwife

Doctor Who

Best TV Detective

Olivia Colman (Broadchurch)

David Tennant (Broadchurch)

Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock)

Idris Elba (Luther)

Bradley Walsh (Law & Order: UK)

Suranne Jones (Scott & Bailey)

Best Drama Performance

Martin Clunes (Doc Martin)

Miranda Hart (Call the Midwife)

Maggie Smith (Downton Abbey)

Matt Smith (Doctor Who)

Best Factual Entertainment Programme

The Great British Bake Off

An Idiot Abroad

Paul O’Grady: For the Love of Dogs

Top Gear

Best Daytime Programme

This Morning

The Jeremy Kyle Show

Pointless

The Chase

Best Soap Newcomer

Marc Baylis (Coronation Street’s Rob Donovan)

Michelle Hardwick (Emmerdale’s Vanessa Woodfield)

Khali Best (EastEnders’ Dexter Hartman)

Anna Passey (Hollyoaks’ Sienna Blake)

Best Serial Drama Performance

Julie Hesmondhalgh (Coronation Street’s Hayley Cropper)

David Neilson (Coronation Street’s Roy Cropper)

Michelle Keegan (Coronation Street’s Tina McIntyre)

Jessie Wallace (EastEnders’ Kat Moon)

Best Documentary

Inside Death Row With Trevor McDonald

Paul O’Grady’s Working Britain

Penguins – Spy in the Huddle

Educating Yorkshire

Best Entertainment Presenter

Alan Carr

Keith Lemon

Ant & Dec

Graham Norton

Dermot O’Leary

Best Entertainment Programme

I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here!

Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway

Celebrity Juice

The Graham Norton Show

 

I have to be honest, I’d have liked to have seen more digital TV channels get the nod (Mount Pleasant, Stella, Trollied, for example) but overall there are some brilliant nominees there. Tune in tonight to find out who’ll be picking up the awards!

Also today: Grammar Schools: A Secret History (BBC4, 8:00pm); Crimewatch (BBC1, 9:00pm); Embarrassing Bodies Down Under – presumably a reference to Australia, not which specific area of the bodies are embarrassing… (More 4, 10:00pm); and Seamus Heaney: Out of the Marvellous (BBC4, 11:00pm) – a tribute to the late poet, previously shown on RTÉ.

Thursday 23rd January

Benidorm 

ITV, 9:00pm

For its first two series, Benidorm was fantastic. It was the traditional 30 minutes in length and'Benidorm' - ITV, 9:00pm provided consistent laughs. And then each episode was made an hour-long in 2010, and it very much went downhill. It was dragged-out, ridiculous and boring. Thankfully, though, the fifth and current sixth series have marked a return to form for the show and it is once again bringing hilarity and sunshine to our cold, dark January evenings.

It also helps that new cast member Danny Walters (pictured) is quite easy on the eye.

This week, Joyce sets up a volleyball match at the Solana, Michael and Tiger are up to their old tricks again and Clive and Tonya try their hand at karaoke.

Also today: Restoration Home One Year On (BBC2, 8:00pm); Lorraine Pascale and Jason Atherton present new culinary series My Kitchen Rules (Sky Living, 9:00pm); and The Midnight Beast returns (E4, 10:00pm).

Friday 24th January

Stella 

Sky1, 9:00pm

Ruth Jones’s (or should I say Ruth Jones, MBE’s?) gentle comedy-drama about a single mother in the Welsh valleys is back for a third series.'Stella' - Sky1, 9:00pm

People always say that you’d never believe that Fletcher and Arkwright were both played by Ronnie  Barker. Or that Del Boy and Granville were both David Jason. May I just add to that, though, that if you saw them side-by-side, you’d never believe that Vanessa Shanessa Jenkins and Stella Morris were both played by Ruth Jones. She’s much more of a versatile actress than people give her credit for – and it’s for that reason that I’m overjoyed that she has been honoured with an MBE.

If you’ve never seen Stella before, let me fill you in: if focuses on the eponymous Welshwoman and the trials and tribulations that she encounters in her everyday life, usually influenced by her extended family and friends. In the past we’ve seen her deal with her son’s imprisonment and subsequent emigration with his father, her daughter’s pregnancy and marriage at just 18, the disappearance of her brother and the death of her beloved – but unintelligible – father, only for him to resurrect at the funeral.

Tonight, as we rejoin the Morrises, the Morgans and the Koshes, Stella is sporting a new hairdo and is putting all of her efforts into her nursing degree – but the arrival of a handsome and newly-single lawyer may distract her. Elsewhere, Aunty Brenda’s wayward daughter shows up, and Big Alan is told to put Little Alan on a diet.

Also today: Richard Osman, Roisin Conaty and Joan Bakewell try to put their pet hates into Room 101 (BBC1, 8:30pm); Beverley Callard gets a grilling on Piers Morgan’s Life Stories (ITV, 9:00pm); Dara Ó Briain and Sharon Horgan are on 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown (Channel 4, 9:00pm); there’s a compilation of the best bits of the most recent series of QI (BBC2, 10:00pm); and Graham Norton welcomes Keira Knightley, Kenneth Branagh, Katy B, Thierry Henry (yes, it rhymes) and Lee Mack onto his show at 10:35pm on BBC1.

If may be worth noting that some of your TV guides might say that the Celebrity Big Brother Final is on tonight on Channel 5. The series has been extended, and will now finish next Wednesday (29th January).

Are you particularly looking forward to any of these shows or is there something else from the world of TV which you want to have your say about? Feel free to comment below or tweet me –@UKTVReviewer.

Image credits: Splash! – Thanks to Matt Frost, ©ITV; The Musketeers – Thanks to Steve Neaves, ©BBC; Russia on Four Wheels – Thanks to BBC, ©Simon Phillips; The Naked Rambler – Thanks to BBC, ©Oblong Films; The National Television Awards – ©ITV; Benidorm – Thanks to ITV, ©Tiger Aspect; Stella – Thanks to Sky, ©www.andyshortphotography.co.uk.

‘Splash!’ – Episode 1.1 Review

The hype surrounding Splash! was ridiculous – and, stupidly, I was drawn into it. I found myself, in fact, sitting at home, watching the trailers and thinking, ‘A show about celebrities learning to dive? It’s never been done before!’ I was right: up until Saturday, it hadn’t been done before – for a very good reason, it seems.

TOTAL WIPEOUT + X FACTOR = SPLASH!

If you didn’t see Splash!, let me congratulate and give you an idea of what the end product was like: imagine Total Wipeout or Hole in the Wall pretending to be X Factor. That was Splash!. However, the one good thing about X Factor (and it’s not often you can say that) is that, although you have to tolerate the sob stories and emotional “journeys”, you do get a vaguely enjoyable three-minute power ballad out of it. With Splash! on the other hand, you must sit through these VTs and then, as a reward, you’re only provided with a three-second plunge into a pool, which Jo Brand is then supposed to get analytical about. It’s ridiculous!

The Olympics brought our attention to sports which we had previously not considered watching, nor following – with the inclusion, to some, of diving. It was obvious that the producers were going to cash in on the Olympics success, but the least they could do is deliver something that does the Games some sort of justice. I think the problem lies with Splash! being quite a good concept on paper but, when live, being an expensive oddity, which had me on the edge of my seat only to switch over to In It to Win It.

WHY, JO?

A lot of people have berated ITV for their decision to inexplicably add comedienne Jo Brand to the judging panel (seemingly purely owing to her 2011 series for Dave entitled Jo Brand’s Big Splash). However, I really like Jo and think she has the ability to add some humour to the show to make it bearable. So, I’m not going to question her being offered the role, but rather her acceptance of it. For her to go from the sublime, televisual masterpiece that is Getting On (which she co-writes and stars in) on BBC4 to Splash! on ITV1 is a shock and she surely regrets it just a smidgen. The flicker of hope I possess for the improvement of this show mainly relies on her, although I understand it can’t be easy for her to comment on the dives – and even when she does provide some tongue-in-cheek humour, she seems to be cruelly shot down by her fellow judges; Team GB diving coach, Andy Banks; and former Olympic diver, Leon Taylor, both of whom are taking the farce with far more seriousness than it clearly deserves and appear think they are critiquing our 2012 competitors.

‘NOTHING SHORT OF CRINGEWORTHY’

Another call for criticism (other than the flawed format, odd choice of judge(s), Daley’s screen presence and the resident aquatics team, Stunts in Trunks (a Freudulent slip waiting to happen)) is the contestants. I just felt embarrassed for them. Some (such as Omid Djalili) saw the show as the joke it was while others (such as Jenni Falconer and Benidorm star Jake Canuso) seemed to think they were competing in a serious diving competition. Canuso’s participation in particular was nothing short of cringeworthy, as reflected in the brave faces his Benidorm colleagues were putting on as they witnessed him self-indulgently strutting up to the diving board in his red Speedos (read dental floss) to the sound of ‘Spice Up Your Life’. Steve Pemberton (Mick in, and co-writer of, the sitcom) must have been sitting in the crowd, thinking, ‘I created The League of Gentlemen and Psychoville. I’ve won a BAFTA and Royal Television Society Award, yet I’m watching this car crash – featuring one of my friends!’

The British public were then asked to pay good money to vote for their favourite celebrity diver of the night! Are ITV out if their minds – and, more to the point, are those who voted? Dialling to save your favourite contestant on Dancing On Ice or Strictly I can cope with, but your favourite amateur diver? Really?

Oh, and please don’t get me started on the ludicrously over-excited studio audience, whooping and cheering every time a contestant moved an inch in their absurdly padded-out preparation for their respective dives!

I’m not the only person to have written a negative review of Splash! since its premier airing on Saturday, and neither am I the first to say what (to my shame) I’m about to: it was compelling. Don’t get me wrong: the emotional roller coasters and journeys were frustratingly predictable and tedious but the dives were slightly interesting – for the three seconds that they lasted. Unfortunately, I will watch next week. It should only take five minutes if I fast forward the rubbish.

Splash! is on Saturday evenings on ITV1.

To let me know what you think of any of my comments, or just to share your views on anything about the world of TV, drop a comment on this post or tweet me – @UKTVReviewer