‘The X Factor’ – Episodes 9.6 & 7

The X Factor 2012 audition process came to a close last weekend, with every last bit of the good, the bad and the tuneless being crammed in. So, let’s not beat around the bush and get straight down to the double-bill’s auditionees.

Nick Bus

I often love to see the more mature person audition for The X Factor – it’s usually terribly sweet to witness someone take to the stage, sticking two fingers up to society’s conventions. I actually wasn’t endeared to Nick Bus, though. I couldn’t help thinking that if a younger auditionee was going on like that – as opposed to this moaning and groaning Victor Meldrew wannabe – there would be a backlash.

Inevitably, he was a bad singer. In fact, he put me in mind of Vic Reeves during the ‘Club Singer’ round on Shooting Stars! Due to his terrible performance, he quite rightly didn’t get through and unlike so many of his aged counterparts, he was lacked grace when faced with rejection.

So you’re wrong, Nick: the reason for your failure wasn’t “that f*cking ‘Tulisia’ [sic]”, it was you’re f*cking singing!

Bianca Gascoigne

I was really rooting Bianca Gascoigne – daughter of Paul – and thought it was brilliant that she came onto X Factor and hadn’t just stuck with the celebrity life, automatically expecting a record deal to come her way just because of her famous dad.

I thought she was okay, but she wasn’t brilliant – as was made clear by the judges’ comments. However, we have seen it before where auditionees have been rejected, and then returned a year or two later and wowed the judges. I think – and hope – Bianca will do this because there’s potential there. In my opinion, anyway.

Tammy Cartwright

Tammy’s got a brilliant voice. Now let’s talk about her nan.

You see, as talented as Tammy is, her nan, May, is the real star, isn’t she? May – a mixture of Joanie from The Catherine Tate Show and one of Harry Enfield & Chums‘ Lovely Wobby Randy Old Ladies – announced she was “as proud as a peacock” to see her granddaughter auditoning. However, her pride was soon taken over by anger when Mel B briefly criticised Tammy, prompting May to flick the ‘V’ sign. It really was hilarious!

However, I suppose my praise is academic as Tammy has now confirmed she has quit The X Factor due to family problems. I hope to see her – and May – back next year.

Jade Collins

Jade came to her audition armed with the biggest of talent show cliches: a sob story. Oh dear.

Granted, the life she’s led because of her dad’s criminality is sad and it will have been emotional him not being there but it just seemed like yet another sad tale to increase her chances of getting through. Perhaps I’m just an old young cynic, though. Anyway, in the event it didn’t matter: Jade’s singing alone was enough to see her through and I wish her luck.

Rough Copy

Seriously, what is the fascination with these three? Yes, they can sing but, to me, they act like irritating prats!

Once again, though, perhaps I’m a cynic – young or old!

Triple J

Gary Barlow was absolutely right – they sounded great! I really liked them and I think they stand out in the Groups category, as, one, we haven’t seen many and, two, we haven’t seen many good ones!

I think Tulisa would rather they were called Triple BJ, though…

Robbie Hance

Robbie has a niche. Admittedly, it’s a niche I’m sure he’d rather not have but it’s there nevertheless.

He’s homeless – a fact which came as quite a shock to the audience and judges alike. Thankfully, though – just like Jade – he didn’t have to rely on a painful life to get him through his audition because he really does have a good voice.

If I’m being completely honest, we’ve heard a lot of people sing in Robbie’s style this series and I think some are better but, given his circumstances, he’s great.

Carolynne Poole

Having been sent packing by a now remorseful Louis Walsh at last year’s Judges’ Houses, Carolynne returned defiantly this year with more wisdom and experience. She blew everyone away (no Tulisa jokes, please) – including myself.

She has an absolutely beautiful voice and you can just tell will go so, so far – if not in this competition but in general. Could this be the Alexandra Burke story all over again? I hope so.

Danielle Scott

Finally we come to Danielle. In her VT before her audition this Liverpudlian wannabe seemed really likeable. First impressions are important, but can be deceiving.

After murdering Adele’s ‘Turning Tables’, with guest judge Geri Halliwell dubbing it “depressing” (to be fair, Geri, it is a downbeat, melancholic song!), she threw a strop. Which reminds me: say, “This X Factor is a joke!”. Done? Now say it in a Scouse accent…sounds funnier, doesn’t it? Now you know how hilarious it was to see Danielle throw her toys out of the pram!

However, that wasn’t the pinnacle of the hilarity she caused, as without a doubt not only my favourite quote of this week’s show, but this year’s series so far (and I would predict of that to come) was:

“I will never come to X Factor again. Never! I’m going on The Voice next time.”

Even if that’s as good as this year’s X Factor gets, I’m satisfied!

So the auditions are now over and it just remains to see how our favourites will get on at Boot Camp tomorrow. The talent has been brilliant this year and it will surely get better – an exciting prospect!

In the meantime, though, who’s been your favourite? Tweet me @UKTVReviewer or comment on this post.

Also, keep up-to-date with the latest TV news, reviews and interviews at www.thecustardtv.com, where some of my articles will also appear.


2 thoughts on “‘The X Factor’ – Episodes 9.6 & 7

  1. katriona macleod says:

    how on earth did joseph wheland not get through – standing ovations and yet – not good enough – what a joke and we get stuck with likes of rylan – definately not worth watching anymore with this kind of judging in the end it is a public show

    • uktvreviewer says:

      I agree – it seems compulsory now on shows like The X Factor and Britain’s Got Talent to put through to the next round an undeserving act. Little do they realise, the novelty soon wears off!

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